Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
