He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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