A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
