she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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