Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
