i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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