i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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