I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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