Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
