Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
