I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
