When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
