I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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