so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
