Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
