the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
