he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
