well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
