the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize