He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
