We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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