I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
