Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Everyone says I win the strip club
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
