My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
