My room smells like vodka and shame
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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