I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
someone owes me an orgasm
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
