My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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