I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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