Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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