sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize