I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
