in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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