You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
