she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize