Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
