she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
