YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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