I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
