Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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