So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
