you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
