I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
