he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm getting married
To pizza
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
