Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
