never play flip cup with pint glasses
im having a threesome with these popsicles
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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