Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
