I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
