This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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