Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize