I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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