i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
