...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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