I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
