Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hippo gnu deer
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
