its not stalking. its research.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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