I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
