Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
