She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
