apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
