Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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