He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so let's talk penis.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
