I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
