Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
