I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
