So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
