the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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