I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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