I just pynch a tree in the face
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
