She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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