I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
