Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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