Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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