So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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