Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
