So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
