I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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