This is not my ceiling
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
