If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
