i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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