three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize