i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
