I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
