i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
