very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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