I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
