i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
