I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
