youre lurking in front of me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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