here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
