this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
