Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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