Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
