do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
