I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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