Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
