My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
