I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
